The Art of Communication...

There is a lot to be said when it comes to the art of communication and verbal jousting.  Having a background in training and psychotherapy has made the importance of this subject quite clear.  Concise communication is not just putting your point across, but also the art of listening. This is our tool and gateway to many things, from business to healthy and happy relationships.

Proper communication makes arguments and “broken phone” conversations a thing of the past.  The one who uses this tool effectively knows how to use logic and reasoning to calm situations, without having to blame anyone.  Just look around you. How many of us today are into the blame game to clear our own name, and blame it on someone else? What causes this, is the lack of knowledge in how to properly communicate without accusing. 

Even though one of the most popular and talked-about subjects, few of us know how to really communicate. I have seen people who are unable to speak, but they are wonderful communicators.

Amongst all curriculum at school, and understanding that communication is of utmost importance and vital to our future lives, the topic is not properly discussed or taught during the school years.

Communication involves a transmitter – this is the person sending the message; and a receiver – this is the person receiving the message. There is of course the “message” element – this is information of some form; and noise, which is anything that interferes with the information being transmitted to the mind of the receiver.

Other components include: feedback, which happens consistently in a verbal and non-verbal fashion during a conversation; replication – duplication of the same image in the receiver’s mind -  which is hoped for but perhaps is more of ideal than achievement; and last but not least, understanding – a guesstimate of what the message means.

Excellent communication is the ability of the sender to replicate the message in the receiver’s mind without clouding the matter with irrelevant chatter. Also it is the responsibility of the receiver to clarify any communication that in his/her mind is not properly communicated.  The transmitter, however, accepts the responsibility for the end results of the communication.  This means the transmitter needs to make sure to speak in terms that the receiver comprehends.

All of this is of course of no significance if a person is uncomfortable in the communication process to begin with. This can happen at times of low self-confidence or in occasions where the transmitter is trying to put the blame on someone for misunderstanding, or they might have a stage fright of whom they are transmitting the message to and their perception of the power or hierarchy.

So to summarize the whole thing, the most effective communicators:

·         Bond and relate – meaning they do not just relay the message they came to relay or prove; they are dynamic and know what this particular audience is looking for and when they will be losing them intellectually and emotionally. They make you feel like you are the only person in the world.

·         Involve – not only they initiate the conversation, but they drive it, give it direction, and encourage others to take part.

·         Neutralize – they are able to lower the defenses of the receiver. This does not make them manipulative, but genuine, self-confident, humble and authentic.

·         Focus – they organize their communication; carefully structure the stories to be delivered to hold the receiver’s interest and drive their point home.

·         Clarify – they simplify complex subjects without being patronizing.

·         Emphasize – they understand the span of attention and they artfully reinforce the key points at certain intervals. This needs to happen without coming off as redundant.

Good luck in all your communications.